When I grow up...

It’s going to be a school year where I’ll ask myself ‘what do I want to be when I grow up?’  And I’m going to ask it a lot.  {I just have this feeling…}

It will probably come up on here as a topic of conversation.  If I’m being truthful it will be me, writing, sifting through thoughts.  Not a conversation, but a monologue.  It’s going to look like blurting out the mess of ideas that go through my head.   It’s going to be hard.  And I think that putting it into writing is going to be a challenge.  I think it will be a challenge to share my ideas in a way that makes sense to others.  I think it will be a challenge to realize the amount of limitations that I put on myself. And it will be a challenge to not feel like I’m failing…all the time.

This year will be the last year of college for me.  At least for while.  I need a break from school.  I love learning, but I’m not keen on the testing idea.  I’m excited to be done with the institution of learning {at least for now} and take some lessons from life. { Life, you are a rough teacher and having you on top of assigned papers and reading has been brutal at times.}   I’m excited to learn in a more unconventional way.

I didn’t pick a major that led into a defined profession.  I wanted options to choose and discover more about myself.  I’m glad I did.  Now those options are still there.  Yes, a few have been thrown out, {but more came to the surface, which a whole different story} but still there are many options that remain.  This leaving options open method has led me to outside questions.

 

I don’t like not knowing the answer to the questions, ‘So what’s next for you?’

‘What do you plan to do when you graduate?’

‘What do you want to do?’

‘And what are you planning to do with that degree?’

Because I don’t know. I want to know, and if I did know, I would probably tell you.  But, I don’t know.  And no matter how many times I say it, it doesn’t morph into an answer.  Not an answer that is satisfactory to me. 

Here’s what I do know.

When I grow up…

 I want to be kind and love well.  I want to help others and live passionately.  I want to be a friend that listens and helps picks up the pieces of this messy life.  I want to give grace and lots of hugs.  I want to be an encourager and a hospitable hostess to everyone.  I want to be a safe place and a person who breaks down limitations by being bold and courageous.  And as much as the humanness in me strives for perfection, I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be the best me that God has created.

What do you want to be when you grow up? 
{I’m exploring options, and I need some more ideas!}