Measuring Up

Growing up I was a kid that would get nervous before I went to the next grade. I remember particularly looking at the 3rd grade teachers’ rooms at open house. What was a book report? Multiplication and division, how was I going to learn those? And then there was cursive, what if I was really bad at it?
But I passed third grade, and fourth, and fifth, and all the way through high school. By the time I got to high school there was never doubt that I wouldn’t graduate. It was only the worry of how well I would do. And then there was the worry of getting into college. And I got into college and it was really hard. I felt like I didn’t measure up. I love to learn, but I don’t do well at tests. Sometimes it is because I didn’t study well, but most of the time it was just me not doing well. I’ve looked over the tips and I’ve taken learning tests to see how I retain information best. I feel like it hasn’t helped. I don’t remember specifics, I remember general. I can tell you the plot of the story, but not what happened on page 52.
Every year, at least once {if not very quarter} I go through what I refer to as the ‘mid year crisis’. I think of how in Italy they pronounce crisis like cry-see and it often sounds like ‘Christ’. And I love that when I am in this place I can be reminded that he gives me ‘a peace that passes all understanding’ {Philippians 4.6-7}. And in some versions it says passes all knowledge. He knows what is on my tests, and he has given me delight in learning, and he can give me good grades and a bright mind. I want to try and do my best; not for my own glory or my own need to live up to expectations. I want it to be for His glory. So when I do well, it is because he has allowed me to do so. And when I do poorly or don’t feel as if I measure up, he is there to show me that he has a reason and he is there.
I wrote this post on Wednesday, just as the stress of the last few weeks had started to subside. And I wanted to post it but I still had homework that needed to get done and meetings to attend. But God knew that I needed to take a break and so yesterday I had some bad stress pains. And I’m monitoring them closely. When I am in my weakest point I allow myself to learn what he has been trying to teach me and he shows me that I don’t have to measure up to him. That in Him I will always and forever measure up.
A little deep, but I’m writing what’s on my heart. It’s all a part of the adventure.