Where I'm At

I’m making a list and throwing it on the page {cause I’m a list person}.  I’m working through some things, and thinking lots.  Here’s what I’m thinking and learning about.  It’s nowhere an exhaustive list, but you have to start somewhere.

Things I’m learning, which tells you a lot about where I’m at in life:

-          I can’t see the whole picture, like most of the time.  And sometimes I can’t see the whole picture because I’m not looking in the right place. {Case in point: if you can’t see the whole website, go to full screen view…}

-          Laugh at yourself, and let some things reflect off you

-          Lots of things break your heart, like words, not always people

-          Music is good, and so is coffee, and chocolate cake

-          Sleep is good too

-          Life moves up and down emotionally

-          Confidence, boldness, uncomfortable

-          Dreaming,  it’s ok, the bigger the better

-          Things take time…yea

-          Dig deeper

-          Explore

-          You can’t go back, you can only move forward, so take a step

-          Sometimes you do the thing you most don’t want to do, over, and over, and over

-          Sometimes you don’t make sense, and that’s ok too

Garden

Today I went to a community garden.  I’m not a frequent gardener, both in the sense of the community garden and my own life.  I seem to get distracted and then the plant dies or something of nature happens.  It’s like I can’t get in the habit.  It’s not a top priority, so it slips below almost everything else on the list of things to do.

 

Just because I don’t garden much doesn’t mean I don’t like it.  Every once in a while I long to feel dirt under my fingernails {in places where it gets stuck…forever}.  I love seeing the electric green color after a fresh rain or watering.  I love the sweet smell of growth.  {Ok, I could pass on the smell of super fresh dirt}.  I love the soothing rhythm of turning the dirt and digging holes for the promise of seedlings.

Today was about working in the earth, ease of conversation and feeling rather than seeing.  Gardening is an experience.  I got invited in a passing thought to join a new friend in her space, with her growth, and her veggies.  There was order and freedom in that space.  It seems odd, but the vegetables were in rows and we looked at the plot like a puzzle seeing were a row could be finished or a new one created.  Order.  There was freedom in stepping in the dirt, kneeling and having nothing but air around.  The only boundary at that point is the ground, which isn’t much.  Freedom.

I didn’t add a picture, because when I picture the space, feel the experience, and imagine the growth of that plot, I can then erase the distractions.  I can make the clutter of the surrounding areas disappear.  If only it was that simple in life.  In only it was easy to focus and be focusing on the right things.  If only the distractions could be erased, the clutter instantly invisible.  When I see the confusion all around I am returned to thankfulness, I turn to compassion, I give mercy, and I am reminded of humbleness.

 

By the way, if you are a lover of children’s books please read The Gardener by Sarah Stewart and David Small.  They have excellent books and this is one of my favorites.  {So much so, that as a child I met them and have a signed copy}

Here we go

Every year our family writes a Christmas card that is then scattered across the United States via US Postal service.  Within the envelope is not only a picture {or many} from the year but also a note, an update.  It highlights the big accomplishments and the everyday activities.  No we don’t talk about what we eat or our brand of dish soap, but the soccer practices, volleyball games, and dance classes.  This year I felt as if I had nothing to write.  I felt as if I did nothing that could be considered noteworthy.

 

The truth…I did.  I did many things that in my warped view of thinking are not important.  In others views, they are exciting, growth, and things to celebrate.  But the thing about these activities is that each has a story attached to it.  We don’t do because we have too.  I mean, I guess we could, but hopefully we don’t add things to our lives because we have too.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t make sacrifices in doing things for others or that we don’t have activities that we do because it’s our responsibility and our duty.  I’m saying that life should not be lived as a string of responsibilities that flow into a single string of mundane.  Life should be lived with a proper sense of accomplishment, celebration, and joy.  Even in the sorrow and the darkness, there is cause for celebration and an unspeakable joy can be found.

Today was a day where I found delight and joy.  It wasn’t because things went my way, or I hung out with my friends all day.  I did fairly ordinary things for a 22 year old of normal US life.  I woke up later than I ever planned to, which usually makes me annoyed.   But today, I woke up and I was next to my dear friend with the Rose Parade making sounds from the living room TV.  In pajamas we went to the living room and had homemade cinnamon rolls and Momma made us lattes.  This is tradition, the parade on New Year’s morning, cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate.  I’ve graduated from hot chocolate, but it depends on the morning.

We lounged around, talking and laughing.  The parade led into the outdoor hockey game and we let it be.  There was more movement, clothes put on, faces washed, tidying of beds, and blankets.  My brother came home with a friend, and mine left.  But before she did we spent time talking about work and life, venting and talking as one topic transitioned into the next.  Before long the time had slipped away and we were still standing in the street.

There was searching for the football game and finally streaming it.  There was a spread of leftovers from the party last night.  In between all the activity errands were run, simple house chores were done, and the day crept on.  I’m not a football watcher, but for some reason I wanted to watch today.  It was enjoyable to me.

Before the game was done we headed off to the movies for our New Year’s tradition.  We watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  It was better than I expected and I think I sat on travel bugs because I got bit.

During the day we hadn’t prepped for the night, so dinner was take out burritos from our favorite place.  There was conversation around the table and a little interrogation of our guest.  It was followed by goodbyes, the clearing of plates, and curling up on the couch with a new book from Christmas. 

This day, it didn’t go as a planned.  But really, I couldn’t have planned the little details.  I was surprised, delighted, and yes there were even moments of annoyance.  It was a good day for a new year.  This New Year it’s like the ones before; fresh, crisp, ready.  So here we go.