The Rain Came Down and the Flood {of Thoughts} Came Up

Currently, I live in the Bay area. In case you haven’t heard, we are having a “big” storm.  Ok, I will consent to the fact that it is a storm. And the reason it is so big is the fact that we don’t have the infrastructure to handle it. Physical infrastructure that is. If there’s one thing you need to understand about Californians, it is that they are rarely prepared for rain {or any weather}. Ever. And when it rains most of them freak out. And it looks like the zombie apocalypse is happening. Or as we’ve dubbed this one, the Rainpocolyse.

But right now, we desperately need rain. That seems somewhat ironic since it is coming out of the sky as I type. The reason we need it so badly, is because we are in the midst of a drought. {Insert family inside joke about “in the middle of a drought,” that I narrowly avoided just now} 

And I’ve been thinking about the ways that it so directly relates to some life lessons. The first being that the rain has caused most people to stay home, work at home and keep their children and pets indoors. And often when we do that we slow down, or add minutes and moments to our days. When you are stuck inside, you do life differently.

When it rains, I give myself permission to read a book, make soup, stir up some hot chocolate, be creative or dream. I let my self do all the things I should be doing normally – resting, having nourishing food, enjoying treats, using my passions and building my dreams.

Thank you God for rain that refreshes the ground and our souls.

The other thing that I was thinking about is how in this world {or possibly, just my world} we want things to be predictable and scheduled, processed and efficient. And well, that is just not how life works. And I was thinking about all of this as I thought about how much we need rain and the rain is so good for the earth and it causes things to grow…and so on and so forth. And yet. And yet, we don’t get rain once a week to make everything grow. God didn’t say on these days on the calendar it will rain. He didn’t make it so that droughts are scheduled or that storms are in some sort of pattern.

He didn’t do any of that, but He could.

So why did he make things erratic and allow us to tear up the landscape he so beautifully created, thus making his perfect system no longer work? 

I don’t know. 

I do know that he has had the perfect plan since the beginning of time. And I do know that we can read about the droughts of old and the days of plenty. In each of those stories we find a reflection of him and his character. We also see that there was a purpose to the droughts and the storms, the days of plenty and the days of few. It was all part of the plan.

Captive Audiences + Grace

Tonight I sat and told a story and tried to calm the fears.  My words tumbled out and I'm not even completely sure what I said.  I know the message I wanted to send.  And I know how passionate I got.  More passionate, more aggressive, more agitated than any of them had probably ever seen me be before.

  

It all started with a simple question about Ebola.  One of pure innocence and wanting to understand.  I tried to sit on my hands and clamp my mouth, but I'm afraid I inundated her and the rest of my rather captive audience.

 

"You probably don't know, but I've been to Liberia.  I worked in a medical clinic there."  I hastened to add "Just for a week... in high school. But I worked with..." My voice trailed off.  "Well I know some of the people who have died from Ebola."  My voice caught and I also realized my matter of fact tone.  

{I know "some" is the overstatement of the year! I know a few, a handful of the many people who have died.  I know the people and the souls who lived in those bodies...Please give me grace}  

When you're dealing with disease, poverty, corruption, and a place half a world away sometimes you have to be matter of fact.  When you're dealing with all these things you can't change, sometimes you just have to stick to your guns that you will not be emotionally effected by these truths.  Because sometimes the more you hear something the more it becomes real.  And your active imagination can see these things, you can touch them, and you can smell them.

 

That's the thing about Liberia, it has a smell.  You can smell the red earth, the moisture in the air, the air itself.  Sometimes the perfume mixes in the smoky charcoal texture.  There are other things that have a smell - so does disease, poverty, corruption.

 

What I appreciated about these women around me was their questions and their general acceptance of the things that I was sharing.  Not that I was sharing the correct information or that I didn't have some of my facts jumbled.  It was rather that they listened and accepted me.  They accepted that this was something that as important to me and that I really did check the news everyday for stories.  To me it gave me life to see these faces looking at me, eager to hear words, and open arms to my heart.

 

I didn't talk about my friends or the culture.  I didn't talk about specifics.  Just the news, and some of a recent missionary update.  And when I talked about it at the end I wanted it to be all about hope.  All about the things that were beautiful coming out of this horrendous situation.  All of the things where God was being glorified.

Grief

In grief it is often hard to do something tangible.  It is difficult because grief is the reality of a feeling.  Grief wreaks the body.  It seeps into the cracks.  It overcomes the strong and brings them to their knees to where the feeble are.  Grief it has a pattern, but can not be explained.

 

It is difficult to describe grief because it is different in every situation and circumstance.  It changes and morphs.  The response to grief varies.  Will this be the correct response for this person in this moment?  Or is better to wait?  Better to hold ones tongue?  Better to hug?  Or better to let be?

When presented with grief it is hard to know how to respond and it is hard to do something tangible.  Yet in the midst of tragedy there are tangible things that can be done.  Meals can be brought, clothes cleaned, houses swept, children looked after.  And though tragedy and grief are not mutually exclusive the way they are responded to looks so very different.

In grief I will meet you. 

In tragedy and suffering I can meet your needs.

The Table

I love kitchen tables, dining room tables, side tables.  Tables represent food and gathering to me.  They represent a display of life.

 

 

 

When we come to the table for dinner we are normal, ordinary.  Actually most people don’t sit at a dining table to eat their dinner.  I know that I’m guilty of this as well. I eat on the couch or in my room when others are using the common area.  Sometimes I eat sanding up around the kitchen or on the stool in the corner.  I don’t take the time to come sit.  To rest.  To process.  To build that community.

I wonder but also believe that Jesus used the table as a place that was ordinary and simple because it would be remembered.  It is a task that we must do every day; we must eat and drink.  It is a simple and sustaining meal; bread and drink.

I think of that night when Jesus came to table...

There were no decorations

No table cloth

No candlesticks or plates

No centerpieces

 

No place cards

 

Heck, who knows if there was even a table

 

Just wine, a cup, and bread. 

And people.  People that were very much loved.

 

Hands breaking bread make up the table.

People in conversation make up the table.

Like I said, life is centered around the table; through our conversation, through our nourishment.

These are two videos, one a business plan about using what Jesus started to be a community and the other a song.

 

 

Washing Feet

“We are going to go to the day shelter and give women beauty treatments.  Want to come?  You might be helping with haircuts, or painting nails…I think there might even be a massage therapist there. “

I found myself saying that I would go.  A few days later when we arrived I found myself giving pedicures and that means that I was washing feet.  There were homeless women with missing teeth, homeless mommas, and homeless teenagers.  For the most part they fit the stereotype.  For the most part.  They are people.

And while I wasn’t expecting to be washing feet, just painting toenails, there was a bigger surprise waiting.  See this had been set up as a way to serve women in the community, but the men wanted to be a part as well.  And there was a man who sat down at my station.  His feet needed to be washed.  And I sat there, with the tub in front of me and washed and scrubbed and rubbed lotion on his worn, callused feet.

I also had the opportunity to wash a pregnant woman’s feet and paint a frilly French pedicure that day.  She had her daughter about 8 years old with her.  It was pink for the little girl and a deep foot rub for her momma.  It was humbling.

 

Today I was thinking about Easter.  It’s one of the most important holidays as a Christian.  At the last supper Jesus washes the disciples’ feet.  It says {he} rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. John 13.4-5

Have you ever washed someone’s feet?  It’s humbling, on the part of the receiver.  It’s a gift that is a symbol and an act.  When we wash our feet we are preparing them to do work.  Our feet work the hardest and receive the least attention, at least mine do.

We are called to be hands and feet.  Tangible work.  It’s through the gospel that this work acquires meaning and we are humbled. 

How beautiful are the feet that bring Good News Romans 10.15

So as we come towards the last supper I am going to be looking down…at my feet.  In reverence, in awe.

God's Plan {Wedding Season}

I wrote at least 3 blog posts today, 2 in my head and 1 in my notebook for American Political Rhetoric.  It did apply to what we were talking about and I just wanted to share what I’ve been learning.  So that should be coming soon.  What I didn’t plan on was writing out a blog post and skimping on my precious sleep.  I have been {re}learning that life is not ideal and I think this instance is a choice for me to dive into that deeper.  Here is to writing what is on my heart and embracing all that is not ideal...

A few months ago I landed at The Lipstick Gospel and I was blown away. 

Stephanie is an incredible writer and has a beautiful journey of life and faith to share.  We started a short correspondence and I hop over to her site every once and awhile.  It has become more frequent that I visit.  I love to sit there and read.  Tonight I hopped over there as my computer was dying to see recent posts.  And staring back at me was a title that immediately sucked me in.

 God told me who I am going to marry.

I grabbed the computer cord and sat and read.  I am a quick reader and I couldn't soak it up fast enough.  Before I finished I knew that I wanted to share it.

In a way I knew what it was going to say.  At the same time it was if an older sister was sitting there sharing her experiences. 

I haven’t let on about it here, but I am surrounded by engaged people.  I am excited for them, but it’s a little overwhelming.  It’s a season of life, and I don’t know when it will end.  During the course of today day I have talked about; bridesmaid dresses (3x), wedding dresses, wedding invitations and addresses (2x), bridal showers (4x) and miscellaneous other things. 

Weddings are wonderful, but I am enjoying this season. 

I love the place where God has me. 

I am me and there is a choice for the future.  And the first choice is to follow God’s plan.

This is not a sponsored post, a mearly love what Stephanie shared

We've got Apples!

The house that I grew up in has an apple tree in the backyard.  We used to have 2 trees, but they both started to show signs of disease.  Anyways I grew up with these apples that were only good for baking.  Just plain they are tart!  We would make all kinds of goodies, and in the process of peeling we would eat apple peel strings.  Sweet times!

 

 

The campus ministry I am a part of announced a community program where people would invite friends over to make apple pies and treats and then give them to people in the community. The night that was planned is the night that my biblestudy meets…so we incorporated it into study!

 

 The girls had so much fun and we made 4 pies.  Dutch Apple style.  It was easier than trying to do two crusts.  I went cheap on this one, and with lack of time as a college student we went with store bought crusts.  The girls cut enough apples to make an apple dessert {Apple Kuchen} and a pot of applesauce.  And there was still more apples.  I am still trying to use them up, so you will probably see one more post of apples! 

What is your favorite apple dish?

Fall Retreat {Weekend Recap}

This last weekend I spent time with some awesome people at “fall Retreat.”  500 of us invaded a Marriot Hotel in Ventura, California.  Its craziness, but oh so much fun.  We had a wonderful speaker talking who did a great job of connecting with her audience.  I had the opportunity to talk with her one on one.  Yeah, we talked about other places in the world :)

Megan and I mid date

 

She is a globe trotter…4 continents in one week.  Impressed?  I was tempted to ask if I could go in her suitcase, or maybe I could be her personal assistant.  She just came in from Accra, Ghana.  We talked about the Frankfurt airport and how we really don’t like it.  We talked about people’s insensitivity to culture.  After our conversation I am convinced that I should be a trainer for groups that want to go abroad on cultural norms, dos and donts.  I shared in her horror as she recounted a recent cultural slip up that she witnessed.  Let’s be aware of other cultures people!

I got to hear parts of 3 amazing girl’s hearts.  I love first year of college students and the way that they have a blank page before them.  These girls have gone through so many things and yet I can see the ways in which they grow.

There was a crazy dance party on Saturday night.  The theme was Disneyland and there were some pretty creative costumes. Yay for dance parties!

I got to go on a lovely beach walk date with Miss Megan.  We’ve been meaning to steal some time away and it was so good to catch up on life.  Friend dates are a necessity of life.

That is just a flavor of this last weekend. 

Coffee Shop Time

The joy of the Lord has been so sweet this last week.  Yesterday was rainy and cold.  I was meeting up with a sweet girl and in our text conversation I asked her if we could cozy up at a coffee shop.  I got there a few minutes early to do some things on my own.  I love a warm beverage, the bible or a good book, and being wrapped up in a sweater.

The days of Italy came back to me.   I didn’t really take my bible and read it out in public when I was there, except for a few times.  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk about it, {which is a great conversation starter} but because my hands would get too cold while reading!

One of my favorite things to do was to make my own cappuccino in the apartment and curl up in a down blanket on my bed.  I would be in my grey wool knit sweater, and sweats with 2 pairs of socks covering my feet.  My room was always incredible cold.  I claim that that is the reason I spent so much time in the kitchen!

For a few minutes today I was transported back to Italy.

I love being in Slo, but I miss the places I’ve been.  I’ve left a piece of my heart in each place.  I hope that I will have the opportunity to go back, but for now I am content to enjoy my coffee and time in a little local coffee shop.

Saying Grace

I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  She talks about having an attitude of thanksgiving.  Yesterday I found that I have fallen out of the habit of giving thanks for my food.  I am still thankful for my food, but I havent set aside the time to offer up thanks.  I am thankful that I can go to the store and buy food and that there is the possibility for me to buy seeds and grow my own.  But how often do I acknowledge it?

2 times in the last week I have watched as someone has bowed their head and prayed over their food, prayed over the blessing it is to be thankful for nourishment. 

In my home, as a family we hold hands and take the next few moments to be thankful.  When I am by myself, why don’t I do the same?  When I am in a public place, why don’t I do the same?

I pray throughout the day, especially when I am walking between classes or walking home from the bus.  I take a walk with Jesus.  Why am I not taking the time to be thankful for what is right in front of me?  for what I am consuming?

I was thinking about the phrase “saying grace”.  When I say a prayer of thanksgiving I am acknowledging the fact that I have been given grace.  I am covered in grace when I offer thanksgiving.  How amazing is that?

Today I am thinking about what it means to be truly thankful.  The leaves are about to change and in a couple of months my favorite holiday Thanksgiving will be here.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t need to take time out now to be thankful for the sweet blessings that grace my table and inhabit my kitchen pantry.

Do you ‘say grace’?

Glory Revealed

I am a future thinker.  I like to know what’s going to happen next.  I like to be prepared.  I like to consult directions when I need help.  I don’t like doing things first.

I am also a woman, which is like code word for worry.  Yep, worrier right here.  I’m working on being better about not being a so worried.  Life will go on; at least that’s what I tell myself.  And while I believe that to be true I don’t always live it.

When you put those two things together you get worrier of the future.  A friend and I were talking about the future today and our worries and fears of what it might hold.  I was telling her how I’m done being ‘bad’, doing things wrong, and generally messing up.  I’m done not loving people well.  It breaks my heart.  And yet I am being refined.  With every ill timed comment, with every mistake, with every hurt I cause; I am being refined and changed.

I was so encouraged when a few hours later I read this verse:

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” Romans 8.18

I don’t have to be so future thinking, because I know what is coming.  Glory will be revealed.  I don’t have to worry, because now is not the end.  Glory will be revealed.  But not now.  Later.  In time, glory will be revealed.  And what a sweet promise that is to hold close.

‘In the end it will all be ok, if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.’ Unknown

Dirt and Water Makes Mud

It was a dirty weekend.  But something about saying that just sounded wrong...

I was a camp counselor this weekend and it was wonderful but tiring.  I spent time with 1st through 6th graders in the Santa Cruz mountains.  I love the fresh pine smell and the clear air.  I personally could have done with a little less dust.  Whoever said 'a little dirt don't hurt' better be right, because I think I inhaled quite a bit over the course of this weekend!

There are so many fun activities that these kids get to do at what we call Day Camp.  Since it was just a weekend {even a long weekend} the programs were shortened and change a little bit.  I had a group of 3rd and 4th grade girls.  They were a blast!  I got to take them down to the creek {or as we joke 'the creech'}.  Down there they can build a dam, go crawdad hunting, or do rock painting.  There are sand rocks and clay rocks, so with a little water and some rubbing you get "paint."  I got the opportunity to be painted.  I ended up with a dripping necklace, a dotted crown, pictures on my back and some arm and leg art!  Love little imaginations!

I wish I could show you pieces of this weekend, but you will have to use your imaginations.  I decided that I was going to limit the camera use this weekend.  It worked so well that I forgot my camera at home...oops!  Imagine tall redwoods on sloping mountains, laughing children, and ridiculous costumes.  Imagine 130 kids in a pool full of splashes.  Imagine the sweetness of holding hands to cross {suspended} bridges.  Imagine power fish {goldfish} and sitting on stumps in a circle.  Imagine ice cream and late night donut runs {both these without children}.  Imagine making new friends and bonding over silliness.  Imagine {fake} camp names and yelling 'lawn chants' {voice is a little scratchy}.  Imagine late into the night chats with a missed friend and canoeing with new friends.  Those were some of the moments this weekend.

Thanks for using your imagination with me!  

Love Does {the Book}

I love people.  And I love God.  And if you like either of those things even a little bit, then you should read this book.  I’m being serious.  I heard about it exactly two weeks ago and I read my brother’s copy {thanks bud} and want to read it again.  Just for kicks. 

I love people a lot.  And I love seeing how God changes hearts and then transforms lives.  I love hearing other people’s stories {hence the blog world}.  And I like to read.

Those things are wrapped up altogether in Love Does.  This book is an easy read, and it uses the word “whimsy” which is just perfect.  The chapters are short, so don’t worry if life is busy I promise you can fit a read in.  It’s a mix of stories that make you laugh out loud in public places and others that make you think deeply.  And there’s a range of topics {yes, even BB guns make the cut} that all come back to God’s love and loving people.  Because love does.

I have to say it has put a radical spin on my imagination.  I’m dreaming again; big dreams.  I’m dreaming impossible{s} and I am so excited to see how God changes those and if he makes them realities! 

What are some big impossible{s} that you are daring to dream?  Are you willing to share them?  And willing to hope that they might become realities?

These are my own personal opinions that I shared with all of you because I liked this book and I think it’s worth a read.  No endorsement.

Contentment

Sometimes I want to skip forward in life. I long for the days of the dreams that I hold in my heart. And while the dreams aren’t wrong, the wanting is. I believe that we all have deep desires in our hearts and in our minds. This last weekend affirmed it for me as well.
I had the wonderful opportunity to go to women’s retreat with a bunch of college ladies. We girls, but we also got to business with tackling the big stuff. I went to a seminar on contentment. It was technically on contentment in singleness, but the message is still the same. We have a time that is now and a purpose for now.
We talked about the story of Rachel. If you don’t know it, Rachel was never really happy with her life. She longed for children, and that became her goal and what her life revolved around. It was her focus and her selfish desire. She even threatened that she would kill herself if she did not have a child of her own. In the end this desire was the thing that ended her life as she died in childbirth with her second son. It is so striking to me that this is a woman who was sought after not for her ability to have children but purely because at first sight her future husband delighted in her. She wanted children so badly that she went at great lengths to secure them by her own means. Not by God’s, but her own. She had a son first; a great honor and she named him Joseph which means “another one.” She wasn’t satisfied. She had a son, which was highly revered and after giving birth all she could do was say I want another. And she got her plea, with yet another son. Her son Benjamin’s name means “my sorrow.” That meaning drips with bitterness when I hear it.
I don’t want to be a Rachel. I want to be content. I want to fill my role in my life in the present. I have been placed here for a reason, right now. What greater thing can I do but take advantage of it?

Hard Topics {lies}

In light of this weekend of being at Women’s retreat with a bunch of other college ladies I would love for you to visit Miss Megan. She is doing a really neat post on lies and insecurities. So go visit her for the day. This week I will be sharing a little more of my adventures through life and this last weekend {and maybe how they relate to her post}.

This is not an advertisement, just a topic I’ve been thinking about.

Time Out

It’s been a week. It’s been a wonderful and yet hectic week. There were times that I didn’t know how things were going to get done. And other times where I was just amazed by the things happening around me. There were some tears this week, but also lots of giggles and laughter. I live in a house full of girls, so the giggling should not be surprising.
This weekend I had the pleasure to go on a retreat with a bunch of college students. We talked about what it means to be childlike in our faith. Have you ever thought much about that? I hadn’t either. It was the first retreat in about 5 years where it didn’t rain. I was excited. And I met some great people.
This weekend I decided to actually make and show relationships as a priority in my life instead of just talking about it. It was neat to be able to create relationships through games and experiences. We played “Do you love your neighbor?” but we changed the rules so that you had to say something that was true about yourself. You learned who had things in common with you and those that you had more differences with. We broke a chair in the process, so that was a fun too…
The 2nd day we played kickball on the field. Guess how we chose our teams? By whether the person was wearing jeans or a different fabric for pants…we get creative.
After that we talked about going on a hike but we didn’t know if the trails had been cleared of poison oak. So instead we all piled in the back of a truck {with the shell on} and rode to the trail head for waterfalls. There are huge ditches for the 3 miles it takes to get back there. And they are filled with water. It was so fun! We all woke up the next day feeling a little achy. But we also made it to the waterfall.
That was just Friday through Sunday…and the rest of Sunday and Monday coming soon.
I hope you had a wonderful Presidents’ Day weekend! What did you do to ‘celebrate’?

I havent been a good picture taker...with my camera. Working on it!

Dreaming Big

This quarter {yes, my school is on the quarter system or fast track as I like to call it} I am taking classes that all involve international business, or the international world. I now have friends all over the world or at least people that I could get in contact with all over the world. I think globally on a daily basis. It no longer blows my mind the amount of people that are in the world. I should rephrase that in to that I am not surprised by the numbers. Then again with perspective, think of all the people that you don’t know. How many people around the world don’t know the major world leaders, or celebrities or…Jesus?
We talk about religion in the United States…a lot. We usually debate it more than we reasonably talk about it. It is safe to say that almost every person in the United States has heard the name Jesus. It could be through church, the street corner preacher, or even {sad to say} swearing. People have heard and they have a choice to respond. But other places in the world, it’s not so certain. There are people that have never heard ‘Jesus’ uttered. They don’t have the choice to decide how they will respond, because they have never heard the message.
I’m thinking about the world, thinking about unreached people groups, and how small I am in the grand scheme of things. How helpless I am to make direct effects. It is my dream that people would have the ability to choose to follow Jesus or not. But they need to be given that ability to choose. God is bigger than my little dream. He can change hearts without the person hearing the name Jesus. And that blows my mind more than the amount of people that live in the world. I am going to be praying that people would be given that choice, and that they would be reached, no matter how that comes about.
I don’t usually use this blog as a soap box, and I don’t want it to be a place to speak at someone. But I do want to use it as a place to share what I am thinking about. These are things that I am thinking about. I go to a university where people I meet on a regular basis don’t believe the same or agree with me. So, feel free to comment. Feel free to share. Be respectful.
What is your dream? {There are no limits; it can be big or simple to accomplish.}

I got you

There are so many things that I feel that I could share, and they would let you into the thoughts and the things that have been shaping my life these last few days. 1 day can make a difference. Isn’t that amazing? 1 day can change everything. Well, this isn’t about 1 day changing it all, but it is about a particular professor I have. She is amazing woman and just by being in her class, in her presence I have learned about her and learned about myself. She has a catch phrase she uses, and she repeats it throughout our discussions. “I got you”. I know it’s not correct grammar {and we all know that I am not the queen of grammar. All improper placed commas and periods are on purpose today}, but the meaning is the same. “I am going to make sure that you aren’t left out of the loop. I am going to make sure that when you work hard, you see why and you see where it got you. I am going to protect you and carry you when you need it.”
How many times in the last few weeks has God repeated in my ear “I got you”? How many times have I asked him for wisdom and confidence and boldness and his whisper in my ear is; “I got you”.
The other day I got a package in the mail. It was my late Christmas gift from a very sweet friend. {and I know she is going to read this…} One of her gifts to me was a book about being the beloved daughter of God and what that means and his promises through that. And another gift was a frame with the words “I love you because…” with a place to write in white board marker below.
God is telling me “I love you because… I got you. You are mine. And I have given these blessing to you because you are my daughter. You are important and I have prepared great things for you. I got you.”

What is He telling you?