On Writing

Hi friends!

I write drafts all the time, but I'm trying something new this time - a free write.

Over the years I've realized I want to be a writer, but I don't take the time to invest in practicing my writing. This week I'm sharing someone else's story written by another person entirely. The person who wrote the story did a wonderful job. As I read through it I could see the previous English teacher seep through. I could tell, this woman, she loves to write.

This last weekend I met another previous English teacher and as we were talking, I kept looking at her and going, Yes, I see it. You are a writer.

Isn't it crazy that we separate people into those who can write and are 'writers' and those who can not? I often put myself in the "can not camp." Really, I can write. I can write, but it needs refinement. {Ironic, considering this is a free write.}

And I've learned that I like that there are rules, but I can't figure out all the rules. It's something that is similar to American football to me. I know there are rules, I know others are aware of them and follow them. But I can't quite seem to figure them out. 

And then there is the creative. That I can do. What I want to convey, that I can work on. I can wordplay with. When I 'edit' I often am editing for content and context.

My dad on the other hand, grammar and writing rules are his forte {he could tell me every error in this post}. On high school papers {and even some college} he would say, that together our brains would write excellently. He gets tripped up by the creative and the content, I by the grammar and the spelling.

At one point my coworker and I had a conversation about my desire to write in simple terms - better. And he took it on as his mission to the point where he gave me the book On Writing. I've been scared of what I view as my own incompetence and I've yet to read it.

That which is our weakness is where we have the most space for improvement. I can't promise more practice, but I do hope to spend a little more time here on the blog. I've even started writing more letters and finding more space to journal. I hope that it is the start of something.

Fire Burning

photo credit Jenni Bergeron

 

I want you to burn my bridges down//Set me on fire

-One Republic

Feeling like I need a jumpstart these days.  I am waiting, but for what?  I am stockpiling in anticipation, but for what?  I’m praying that my bridges of fear and failing get burned down.  Maybe those bridges can also include the brain blocks, lack of motivation, and busy lifestyle?  One can hope! 

As I did my work today I was searching for beauty.  I was looking for a way to release some creativity.  I don’t know what that creativity looks like right now, but I’m waiting.

Looking for the fire that will set things in motion… {like my large amount of blog posts in draft form}

Challenges of Growing

 

I planted a few things a few weeks ago.  I was preparing to do an Instagram post and get all artsy.  There was all this prep for real life.  It was slightly absurd.  And I decided to just dig in.  Literally.  I decided that it was ok to be messy.  My fingernails had dirt under them for days.  I washed them many times, to the point of needing lotion after every wash.  Frankly, an unnatural thing for me. 

I dug in, to the messy side of life.  Once I made the decision I was gleeful.  It was exhilarating.  I dug and planted, patted, and watered with abandon.

Some of the seeds will come up.  They are finally coming up.  It’s just 2, but it’s a blessing.  I am so thankful for the rain, so I wouldn’t forget to water these fragile biological lives.  But some of the seeds won’t come up.  They were doomed from the beginning.  They were never going to be, no matter how carefully handled.

See, there are two things I take away from this.  There will be dreams, no matter how big {these are bulbs we’re talking about} that are not going to happen.  They were an idea, which was not firmly rooted.  They were doomed from the beginning.  But that does not mean that they never should have been planted, nurtured, and hoped for.  Most of all hoped for.

The same goes for the messy side of life.  There are arguments that we can dig for just the right information, argument, rebuttal.  But the thing is, were not going to win it.  Not that battle.  And that is ok.  We can not win them all.  We can not always be right, we can not always have beautiful flowers without the dirt beneath our finger nails.  For if we did not enter into the messy, we would not fully understand the challenge of growing.

I hope for those seedlings and bulbs to grow.  I want to see the dirt give way to beautiful life.  I want the reminder that beautiful things come out of the messy, hard, challenges.

The challenges are what make life a beautiful adventure.

Rain

Source

Today it’s raining.  While I usually put on music while I work {ahem…working to find work} today I am just listening.  The rain makes beautiful noises and it reminds me of kindergarten; nature walks, leaf rubs, muddy shoes, puddle jumping.  Sound. 

Our world is so loud.  It doesn’t need to be, but it is.  Water makes some of the most beautiful noises.  A few weekends ago a friend and I went paddle boarding out at Santa Cruz. {I know, I was at the beach and in the water in January.  Crazy talk} While we were out, cruising, and getting mad at the boats making wakes, she remarked that this was her quiet.  That is what refreshes her soul. 

Today, the sound of the rain on the roof, hitting the brick patio, sliding down the thirsty plant, is refreshing me.  The world is making music.  This time around I’m happy to listen.

 

{And I’m happy that we have rain in dry California!}

Here we go

Every year our family writes a Christmas card that is then scattered across the United States via US Postal service.  Within the envelope is not only a picture {or many} from the year but also a note, an update.  It highlights the big accomplishments and the everyday activities.  No we don’t talk about what we eat or our brand of dish soap, but the soccer practices, volleyball games, and dance classes.  This year I felt as if I had nothing to write.  I felt as if I did nothing that could be considered noteworthy.

 

The truth…I did.  I did many things that in my warped view of thinking are not important.  In others views, they are exciting, growth, and things to celebrate.  But the thing about these activities is that each has a story attached to it.  We don’t do because we have too.  I mean, I guess we could, but hopefully we don’t add things to our lives because we have too.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t make sacrifices in doing things for others or that we don’t have activities that we do because it’s our responsibility and our duty.  I’m saying that life should not be lived as a string of responsibilities that flow into a single string of mundane.  Life should be lived with a proper sense of accomplishment, celebration, and joy.  Even in the sorrow and the darkness, there is cause for celebration and an unspeakable joy can be found.

Today was a day where I found delight and joy.  It wasn’t because things went my way, or I hung out with my friends all day.  I did fairly ordinary things for a 22 year old of normal US life.  I woke up later than I ever planned to, which usually makes me annoyed.   But today, I woke up and I was next to my dear friend with the Rose Parade making sounds from the living room TV.  In pajamas we went to the living room and had homemade cinnamon rolls and Momma made us lattes.  This is tradition, the parade on New Year’s morning, cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate.  I’ve graduated from hot chocolate, but it depends on the morning.

We lounged around, talking and laughing.  The parade led into the outdoor hockey game and we let it be.  There was more movement, clothes put on, faces washed, tidying of beds, and blankets.  My brother came home with a friend, and mine left.  But before she did we spent time talking about work and life, venting and talking as one topic transitioned into the next.  Before long the time had slipped away and we were still standing in the street.

There was searching for the football game and finally streaming it.  There was a spread of leftovers from the party last night.  In between all the activity errands were run, simple house chores were done, and the day crept on.  I’m not a football watcher, but for some reason I wanted to watch today.  It was enjoyable to me.

Before the game was done we headed off to the movies for our New Year’s tradition.  We watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  It was better than I expected and I think I sat on travel bugs because I got bit.

During the day we hadn’t prepped for the night, so dinner was take out burritos from our favorite place.  There was conversation around the table and a little interrogation of our guest.  It was followed by goodbyes, the clearing of plates, and curling up on the couch with a new book from Christmas. 

This day, it didn’t go as a planned.  But really, I couldn’t have planned the little details.  I was surprised, delighted, and yes there were even moments of annoyance.  It was a good day for a new year.  This New Year it’s like the ones before; fresh, crisp, ready.  So here we go.

Reality

 

 

 

You know what I’ve figured out.   I’m not Wonder Woman.  I know! Who would have thought?!

 

{Sweet Melody and I have a wonderful joke about this, makes me smile every time}

 

 

 

 

These last few weeks I have had so much going on.  So much that I wanted to be a part of.  And I have learned that the world doesn’t stop.  The earth doesn’t shatter when your own world feels like it’s about to explode.  The things I always knew but hadn’t experienced became a reality.

 

 

This year has been a lot of things becoming reality.  Truths coming into their full being.  And many times it means that things don’t make sense.  And experiences didn’t turn out or go the way I thought and hoped they would.

 

 

It’s been a struggle the last few weeks.  Life is hard.  One of my favorite quotes is “it takes courage to grow and become who you really are” e.e. cummings.  When I was younger I thought it was strange and I liked the sound of it, so I kept it tucked away in my memory.  I brought it out a couple of months ago.  I mull it over very once and awhile.

 

 

Courage.  Its hard to come by and its important. “20 seconds of courage that’s all you need sometimes” We bought a zoo, anyone?  You got to love the movies that are sweet and sappy and remind you of growing up.

 

 

Anyways, I’ve learned that I can’t do it all.  I’ve realized more than ever that I don’t understand how those popular bloggers can do it.  And I don’t understand a lot of things.  And I’ve learned how much I have to learn about my life.  Life is an adventure and part of the adventure is beginning to let go so that you can move on.

 

 

 

 

If I had One Wish...

If I had one wish to make, this is the wish I would choose, I’d want an old straw hat, a pair overalls, and a worn out pair of shoes…

Ok, so we can nix the shoes and just go barefoot.

This is the song sung by sweet Shirley Temple in the movie Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. I’m a big Shirley Temple fan, and yes I even dressed up as her for Halloween one year. I have a habit of dressing up like historical figures or in historical costumes for Halloween. {A different story for a different time.}

I sing this song in my head, it's a great tune to whistle, and I forget all the other words.
If I had one wish…

I’m not much of a wisher. I mean I say the phrase like most people do, but I don’t put my hope in wishes. I put my hope in other things. I would say that I am a dreamer and I love to use my imagination, but I don’t put my hope in my dreams.

These days I’m looking for simple. When I left the house I forgot something, went all the way home to go get it, only to leave yet another important object for my day at home. Flustered. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. These characterize my life at this point.

I long for summer nights of starry skies and fire pits. I long for vegetable gardens and backyard bbqs. I long for berry picking and jamming. I long for Italy and using olive oil for everything. I long for the smell of sweet honey and the sound of people laughing in good company.

A friend of mine and I went off in a frenzy as we gushed over the simple life, gardens and fresh produce, coffee, and dreams. I couldn’t be logical when my head was spinning and my mind racing, to these big plans of simple.

This last year I entered into the knowledge of the people that grow the foods I eat, that milk the cows, and produce the butter I delight in.  Today I walked through the crops unit and saw the calves at the dairy.  Longing for simple life.

God's Plan {Wedding Season}

I wrote at least 3 blog posts today, 2 in my head and 1 in my notebook for American Political Rhetoric.  It did apply to what we were talking about and I just wanted to share what I’ve been learning.  So that should be coming soon.  What I didn’t plan on was writing out a blog post and skimping on my precious sleep.  I have been {re}learning that life is not ideal and I think this instance is a choice for me to dive into that deeper.  Here is to writing what is on my heart and embracing all that is not ideal...

A few months ago I landed at The Lipstick Gospel and I was blown away. 

Stephanie is an incredible writer and has a beautiful journey of life and faith to share.  We started a short correspondence and I hop over to her site every once and awhile.  It has become more frequent that I visit.  I love to sit there and read.  Tonight I hopped over there as my computer was dying to see recent posts.  And staring back at me was a title that immediately sucked me in.

 God told me who I am going to marry.

I grabbed the computer cord and sat and read.  I am a quick reader and I couldn't soak it up fast enough.  Before I finished I knew that I wanted to share it.

In a way I knew what it was going to say.  At the same time it was if an older sister was sitting there sharing her experiences. 

I haven’t let on about it here, but I am surrounded by engaged people.  I am excited for them, but it’s a little overwhelming.  It’s a season of life, and I don’t know when it will end.  During the course of today day I have talked about; bridesmaid dresses (3x), wedding dresses, wedding invitations and addresses (2x), bridal showers (4x) and miscellaneous other things. 

Weddings are wonderful, but I am enjoying this season. 

I love the place where God has me. 

I am me and there is a choice for the future.  And the first choice is to follow God’s plan.

This is not a sponsored post, a mearly love what Stephanie shared

Changing Your Perspective By Being Gone

There’s a lot of directions I could go with that title, but we are going to go with what a friend emailed with today. 

"As I continue to let the fact that I am halfway across the world sink into my system, I am coming to realize how much this opportunity...will change my life forever, including my views on culture, luxuries / necessities, food, and life in general."   

And it made me smile because this is what I try to tell people whenever they ask about my time abroad.  What do you want me to tell you?  That it was amazing, wonderful, and hard.   That I learned.  That I’m different.  I’m changed.   

These changes just happen.  Just like the way that you change as you grow up and maybe the way you were in second grade with your best friend is not going to be the way that you are when you are 45 with your best friend.  Let’s hope not! There is something valuable about being gone.  About placing yourself outside a situation and outside what is going on in this country, in this city, at this time, at this specific place.  I think that's why we have imaginations.  And I think that's why God created our imaginations to be a tool.  They can help us to be able to adapt to that place.  He gave us imaginations and other tools so that he could change us.  That might be a round-about way of saying that...let me know if I need to connect the dots better. Everything we do, every situation that we are placed into changes us. 

While writing this I even found some of my own perspectives changing.  I’m not a fantasy person, I love The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, but that's as far as I go.  I like things to be logical.  And let me tell you the imagination is not logical, but my imagination is a tool.  It allows me to empathize with others and envision what life might be like say...in Torino, Italy…right now.

Things I've Learned

...by working in market research

People, companies, have really interesting websites

Some people are still kids at heart and even though you’ve never met them…you can tell. 

A website can tell you a whole lot about someone. Just think what your facebook or blog says!

Don’t be afraid to name your company something crazy.  I’m not giving any examples, but use your imagination {or someone else’s}

Some jobs you do to get done, others are all about the process not the ending

You can make a business out of an idea.  Literally. Think about the cloud, it is an idea turned into reality {Sort of}

Spelling is important, but not all the time {yay for me and my horrible spelling and grammar}

Graphics are important.  It is also important to have easy navigation of a website.  This is how you get people to stay and stick around {I know I need to work on this here on the blog, not to worry, already noted}

Put your leadership team or management team on your website.  It makes it more personal.  And when you put them up there with titles listed they are making me happy and my job easier.

You can learn something from any job you do.  Seriously, you are going learn something.  Take it from a newly working woman!

What job did you learn the most from? or What was the most important lesson you learned on the job?

Liberia {intro to a story}

There is a beautiful {in its own way} country on the west coast of the continent of Africa.  This country has captured my heart to the point where if I talk about it I can get a faraway look in my eyes and little pools make my eyes glass over.  I call it love.  

Liberia, like many countries it shares the continent with, has been devastated by civil war, unemployment, malnourishment, lack of resources and lack of attention.  Almost 4 years ago I got to spend a week there learning, growing, and serving. 

Last week a friend who serves children there and in other third world countries around the globe had a night of sharing about Liberia.  There were stations to inform and ignite excitement into people that maybe had never heard about what is going on there and might want to help.  There was a place to break rocks which many children do to survive, facts about Liberia, finding the country on the globe and creating its flag, playing a nation favorite soccer, and eating authentic Liberian food.  Rice and greens.  It wasn’t completely authentic but pretty close and it did taste the same.

the soccer players

Though it is not usually very far in my mind, Liberia has been particularly closer these last few weeks. What have you been thinking about and revisiting?

Getting Organized

Source: bhg.com via Haleigh on Pinterest

I’ve been getting organized.  But don’t look too closely.  You see, I organize for me.  Not for other people to be able to find it.  And then there is the fact that before it gets better, it has to get worse.  Unfortunately, many of the things that I want to get organized are going to be a full blown explosion before they look nice, neat, and tidy. 

Welcome to my world, the explosion. 

When I was young I would not get rid of anything.  Everything had sentimental value and I wanted to remember everything.  My pile or pail full of stuff {because let’s be honest that’s really what it was} I considered neat.  “It was all in one place!” I would contest.

The wonderful thing is that people change.  Tidy takes on a whole new meaning when you are responsible for all your things and when you move all your earthly belongings every year.  Organized grows into its meaning when you realize that you can’t take everything with you.  It’s a good thing people change.

Sorry, you don’t get to see my still yet unpacked mess.  But someday it will be all nice and neat.   And then maybe I’ll show you.  But for now it is using the purging and organizing in hopes of making more changes.

Source: hauteindoorcouture.blogspot.com via Haleigh on Pinterest

Source: houzz.com via Haleigh on Pinterest